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Pain In The Ass |
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Info: Biography, Pictures, Discography of all CDs & DVDs |
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| These patients, often, came (or were helped) into my office crying, begging, "Doc, if you can't help me, could you please kill me?"If there's lots of pain involved, it's something else.I'd guess most people (maybe not vegetarians) have had one of those bowel movements that brings tears to the eyes.When it does, then things go in one of two directions: with time and luck and perfection of stoolage, it heals.The tear deepens, exposing the muscle underneath.Which leads to a vicious cycle of pain, spasm, tearing, more pain, more spasm, more tearing.And then you have an anal fissure.Grab the walls, yell and cry ouch.Most fissures heal, one way or another, without surgery.But some resist all that, leaving that patient asking for cure or death, whichever can be accomplished the quickest.But, really, I doubt it.Applying a little pull while doing it, you can feel it release, like a rubber band.You can also just stretch the muscle, without cutting it.In rides the rescuer, swooping up the patient into heroic arms and riding off in glory."Happy to help," I say, humbly, while walking off with at least some of the gold.It's the little things that make the biggest impact.Convinced I was going to die, I raced to the doc and he liberated all sorts of hardened and impacted wax.After he finished, I was so grateful, I kissed his cheek.Because of both of them I'm walking again perfectly!That sounds horribly painful.Yeah, that release: it's the precursor to happiness.Two thoughts from a sufferer...And yeah, it is really painful.GP heated the end of a straightened paperclip and simply popped it through the nail.Equally fast relief: poking a hole in the side, and applying suction to relieve a pneumothorax.Well, it's too late for anyone to probably read this, but this is the end of a story that brought tears to my eyes (from laughter, not anal pain) when I first read it years ago.It's a clearly more primitive procedure (I know the story is exaggerated for humor's sake, but I doubt the actual procedure is made up); just wondering if this was actually the standard some time ago.As soon as I did this, the fissure was gone in a week or so...Hope this helps some of you!In an amazing coincidence, I've also written a book, "Cutting Remarks; Insights and Recollections of a Surgeon."It's about my surgical training in San Francisco in the 1970s, aimed at the lay reader with the goal of entertaining with good stories, informing with understandable details of surgical anatomy, procedures, and diseases.Knowing you, I bet you'd enjoy it.In fact, if you like this blog, you'll absolutely love the book!What I say here is as true as I can make it, based on my experience as a surgeon.Still, in no way is it intended as specific medical advice for any condition.For that, you need to consult your own doctors, who actually know you.But please, please, PLEASE understand: this blog ought not be used in any way to provide the reader with ideas about diagnosis or treatment of any symptoms or disease.Thanks, and enjoy the blog.Please shorten your comment and submit again."Want this funny video on your site?Simply copy the html below and paste it into your site!Click here to find out how to have the newest funnyjunk pictures and movies appear on your site!Check out this funny page!You agree to get the FUNNYJUNK newsletter in your mail daily with new funny pictures and animations daily!All games are copyrighted or trademarked by their respective owners or authors.Deinen Beistand, kann ich gut gebrauchen!Geil, dass Du jetzt mit P.PAIN IN THE ASS, ergentwie hat die die email adresse nocht funktioniert weil jemand schon die email benutz haben, so habe ich sofort dich gesucht...Die band sind richtig gail, und es war immer so, ich bin stohls auf dich junger mann:)Ich versuch dich zu rufen die nexten tag..."Pain in the Ass"."Urgent Security Alert","Warning: You are submitting information to an outside site.This could be an attempt to steal your username and password.Over the last two weeks I have been suffering through one of the worse Sciatica attacks I have ever endured.At this point the pain is brutal, and my legs are stiff and weak; I take my first step and get a lightning bolt of pain in my butt cheek.Now, the good thing about Sciatica is that when in a sitting or lying position, the pain disappears.But sitting or lying too much makes me even stiffer.After squeezing out my loaf, it is time for the dreaded wipe.How do old people cope with this?You are the reason I get out of bed in the morning, the reason I risk blemishing my driving record by speeding to get home to you every evening, the reason I smile when people ask me how I am doing today.In the year that we have been together, I have given you anal sex 5 or 6 times.Twice since we moved into out new apartment, only a month and a half ago.If I'm about to come and then I feel something in my pooper, my orgasm immediately comes to a screeching halt and I become tense and stop enjoying the sex.Not even at all other times.So how about you put your fingers in my butt once a week, and your penis in my butt once a month?Thank you, and have a nice day.Hello, you either have JavaScript turned off or an old version of Adobe's Flash Player.Get the latest Flash player.This video has been added to your favorites.The video has been added to your playlist.This video will appear on your blog shortly.Thank you for sharing your concerns.Thank you for sharing your concerns.We can only process copyright complaints submitted by authorized parties in accordance with processes defined in law.Please refer to our Help Center for more information and the complete instructions.Please refer to our Help Center for more information and the form to submit.Thank you for sharing this video!Im pretty sure I had the HAND once!Would you like to comment?From Pain in the Ass, Comedian Ben Morrison's o...What about photo, this car do not cover by the snow completely, and I have to paint some (a very little!!!By this, I mean the kind that has me stumbling around Target and Walgreen's buying a "Sitz bath" and an "inflatable ring cushion."As most of you already know, one of the occupational hazards of being a bike racer is the various bad things sitting on a bicycle seat for hours at a time can do to your anatomy.And yes, that is a double entendre.So things aren't going so well for your hero.Luckily, as I started with, yesterday I spent the afternoon with medical professionals who not only knew what they were doing, but who actually gave a shit.I've spent a lot of time at a lot of hospitals, and NEBH is the best.These things usually have a way of taking care of themselves, but after a few days of missed workouts and sleepless nights spent in excruciating pain on the sitz bath, I called my friendly PCP on Monday morning, and after a few minutes of voice mail hell, was told he did not have an available appointment until Friday.OK, where do I go for urgent care then, because I can't wait.Within twenty minutes my doctor himself calls me up, and tells me I can come in at 4.When I got there the office was deserted, so I know he stayed late, and this is a Boston office we're talking about; this stuff doesn't happen with most of them.PCP and doesn't do much heavy lifting.So we go back in the office and he makes some calls, but again, this is Boston, and most specialists have a long wait for appointments.We discuss the pain and all that, and I'm standing for effect, and he can tell I'm not here just to get the afternoon off work.He discusses the cons and risks of surgical removal, and I tell him I am game, if he can get someone, anyone, to lance (see, another Tour winner reference) this thing today, I'm there.OK, and he calls a general surgeon up at the NEBH Ambulatory Care Center, and the guy says come on down.The bad news is, he says it's not ready to be lanced...We discuss what we can do, but I already know we're talking more drugs and pain, and no fucking training for a few days.So (yes, I know, this blog has way too many paragraphs that start with "so") here I sit on my inflatable ring cushion, loaded up on antibiotics and percocet, just trying to make it until tomorrow.Hopefully things will come to a head and we can "cut to the chase."Bob Beal, with racing in the dirty rain Saturday morning, followed by five hours of sitting around without a shower, then doing the TT.I'll see if I can get a copy of it for the blog this time.That ought to really give the Boyz something else to forward all over California and out to Hawaii.Silver lining: This happened after your very nice results at Bob Beal.Tell doc to go a little heavier on the pain meds.There was this guy who was a boil sucker for a living.He directed the large, very large, very dirty woman to remove her clothing from the waist down and bend her cheesy fat ass over the examination table and spread her zitty white asscheeks so that he could suck the boil.Just as he got a proper liplock on the boil and prepared to suck out its contents, the fat stinky bitch farted right on his face.Are you trying to gross me out or what?BKW
Bolder
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AnalyticCycling.Guest SermonGmail Ad of the DayIn honor of BolderTrying harder, or a new low?My boss always leaves no stone untured to make fun of me in order to cheer him up, so he is a real pain in the ass.She cries herself to sdleep because the World id dead.She cuts herself like an emo kid and usually her name starts with the first letter of the alphabet then a L and ends with another A to prove how much an ass she is.You scream at her go cut yourself, you have a horrible life.Your a pain in the ass and no one likes you, everyone thinks your ugly so go die.Then like an emo kid she backs out and cries.Sara used to be cute, then she became a real pain in the ass. |
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